Street Fighter X Tekken!

This game is being developed by Capcom and is using a tweaked version of the Street Fighter 4 engine. Namco-Bandai will be making Tekken X Street Fighter, which will be the 3D fighting version. This is like a fighting gamer's wet dream. I just had to post this video. You can hear the entire audience ejaculate in their Thunder Cats underwear and/or cosplay outfits.

iPhone Rant

I sell phones, a large variety I might add. I sell to a large variety of human beings too, in all their disgusting models. There are plenty of cool people who have iPhones. This is a list of the stupid ones.



iElite:
This is the guy who owns all things Apple. The iPhone 4 has been proven that is has antennae issues, but they refuse to believe it. They say their iPhone 4 isn't having any issues, so it must all be a lie. If they do notice their iPhone 4 is fucked up, they don't mind buying a case to fix the problem on their "perfectly designed and best phone on the market". To them the iPod was created before music and Steve Jobs is Jesus. They can even tell you what his penis looks, smells and tastes like. I'm talking about Steve Job's penis and not Jesus, by the way. Nobody knows what that looks like, but they will when he comes back and wipes out humanity. I'm talking about Jesus and not his penis, by the way.

iChild/Children:
Children 10-16 years old. Your daddy or mommy decided you deserve an iPhone after getting straight A's in middle school or some shit. You're either the best kid on the planet, your parents are divorced and want to be your favorite parent or you give good head. Either way, you still don't deserve that expensive ass phone. I hope that costly monthly charge is being deducted from your college fund, so you can strip tease your way into that Psychology class.

iWomen:
This isn't all of you, but there's a large group of you who don't know what the fuck the iPhone even does. You just like that it makes you look cool and the most important thing is what case you have for it. You come into my store and look at the 20 plus cases I have, give me a dirty fucking look and say with your whiney, privileged voice "Is this all you have?". Yes, it is all I have and it's the reason I don't have cases for these other 50 fucking phones we sell, you dumb whore. Sorry we don't have a damn Pink case! Get out of my store and eat frozen yogurt or some shit. No offense to FroYo because that stuff is delicious!

iPoor:
I love these people. So you want an iPhone, huh? First, you go to AT&T and they tell you your credit sucks so much that your deposit is over $700 before AT&T says you can buy the phone, so you ask mommy or daddy to be on their family plan. You convince them that it's only $10 to add you, like you shouldn't split the bill in even amounts, you cheap fuck. After that, you convince yourself you don't really make too many phone calls, so you get the lowest possible minutes. You get the lowest amount of text messages and now that AT&T has figured that you're a cheap piece of shit, you will get the $15 data plan that doesn't give you shit for internet usage. I guess you'll just have to settle for using internetz only on the wi-fi's.

iT-Mobile:
This is the lowest of the low. These people are even poorer than the iPoor people. They hack the iPhone to use it on T-Mobile for a cheaper rate plan and pretend going on the internet on the iphone isn't slower than old people fucking. It's all status with these people (on a budget). They might even think they're building "street cred" for having a hacked phone. Sorry buddy, you don't fool me. You just proved you are poor, desperate and know how to read a teenager's online tutorial (probably an iChild who wrote the tutorial while sucking off his/her dad). See what I did there? Full circle.

iSellers/iForeigners:
Ok, these people ARE the worst. You come into my place of business with your foreign accent or shady appearance asking for iPhones without a contract. Also, you want them in quantities no less than 5. I have to explain MANY times that I don't know where to unlock the phone and that you need to sign a 2 year contract and need an American social security number for that. The only English words you know are "discount" and "Jigga", which is your fucked up abbreviation for Gigabite.

- Honorable Mention -

iVerizon:
These people are elitists in their own way. They go to the best coverage and also pay top dollar for it. These people are constantly struggling within themselves. If they have the best coverage, then why don't they have the best phone? Well, they'll tell everyone who'll listen that Verizon will one day get the iPhone. The best is when they have a time frame, as if they have some kind of inside news. Once these Verizon assholes get the iPhone, they will form super assholes. Their assholes will be so powerful that they will absorb small children and dogs into their bowels.

HP Buys Palm

Here's the link.

HP, good luck with buying Palm. Maybe you can figure something out that Palm couldn't do themselves. Palm has had it really rough these past several years. Their brand used to be in the forefront of handheld devices. Too bad they couldn't get with the times. It took them way too long to come out with Web OS for their Palm Pre. They're like that nerdy kid in high school who gets a image make-over, but everyone knows they're still lame. They're kind of like Patrick Dempsey from "Can't Buy Me Love", except they don't have as much money. Ba-dum-Ch!



Oh, and commercials like these didn't help you either!

Art: Street Fighting Munny, Ryu

Super Street Fighter IV comes out tomorrow. I've already played it because of my "connects" and by "connects", I mean I held up a Play N Trade store at gunpoint. Don't worry, nobody was harmed AND I gave the game back after I played it for a few hours (there were no hard feelings). Anyways, this is my custom painted Munny figure. I make these things and sell them. It stands at 4.25 inches. Contact me if you want something done! I accept cash and first-born children.


By ratedm4mature at 2010-4-25


By ratedm4mature at 2010-4-25


By ratedm4mature at 2010-4-25

Video: Barking Man

I thoroughly enjoyed this video. He looked so normal and then he did "that".